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SO YOU CAN'T STAND THE PERSON IN THE NEXT OFFICE?
What to do? There is someone at work you really have difficulty
liking. It may be mild or it may be on your mind long before you
get to the office in the morning. This can have a devastating
effect on your day, not to mention on your career. Recently it
was reported that, aside from promotion and better salary, most
people leave their positions because of expressed or unexpressed
conflict at work. So, you're in good company!
That information is stunning because it demonstrates the need
for pro-active communication and conflict management training in
the workplace. Equip yourself with these skills. They will be
endlessly useful in all areas of your life. When I work on these
skills with corporate groups, you can feel the relief in the
air. Folks feel a greater sense of self-confidence when they
have the skills to confront difficulties. Makes sense, doesn't
it? If your workplace is suffering, work with your employer to
have the issue recognized and addressed. Just one or two days of
training can make an enormous difference.
Think of the lack of productivity that the stress of conflict
creates. Who can attend to their work when they are concerned
about possible confrontations, accusations or 'cold shoulders'?
People have feelings. Feelings are powerful. Fear is one of the
most powerful, and that's what's showing up when you work in a
tension-filled environment. There is enough tension in the
creativity and the deadlines that normal, productive work
creates. Who needs tension caused by fear, poor communication
and small minds?
The first and most important thing to do is to exam your own
behavior. How are you treating that person you perceive as
difficult? Is there anything in your posture, facial expression
or tone of voice that prevents friendly interaction? Often, when
you have already decided that you don't like someone, or that
they don't like you, that attitude is conveyed in your
non-verbal communication. Work on yourself first.
Invite the other person out to lunch or coffee. This is a
discovery time. Learn more about them. Are they having
difficulties in their life outside the workplace? What interests
them? What might you have in common that could move your
relationship in a
better direction? Spend this time learning.
OK, you have nothing in common. They were miserable and
close-mouthed. Nothing good came from it. Good. You now know
that you made the effort and can rest comfortably with that.
Next step, ask them for a meeting in the office. This takes
courage, but, how much courage is it currently taking just to
show up every day? However, this is not a 'let-me-fix-you'
type of meeting. Prepare for the meeting by creating a list of
open-ended questions that will hopefully create discussion
between you such as "How can we improve the relationship between
us?" "What can we do to work together more collaboratively?"
Signify your willingness to create a workable relationship.
What is the other person is not even mildly interested in
conversing about change? That is when you have a decision to
make. Live with it, or take it to the next level. The next level
involves bringing a third person into the conversation, a person
who is willing to manage the situation because it is in the best
interest of the workplace. A mediator may be offered. There may
be other people on your team who are experiencing the same
difficulties with the same person. This makes change more
imperative for your superior. Point out the benefits of managing
this issue to the company.
No matter how it seems, no one really likes conflict. Some
people create it because it makes them feel they have a modicum
of control. Others create it as a cover for how little they are
doing. Others have their own reasons and needs for keeping
things in an uproar. You, though, are always at choice. You can
always do something to remove the tension even if it means
making a career shift. Sometimes, it's worth it, but only after
you have done everything in your power to improve things.
Confrontation is not a four-letter word!
About the Author
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Keynotes, Seminars & Coaching for entrepreneurs & professionals
who want the motivation & strategies to achieve, to lead and to
live richly. Creator of the Living Richly™ Program Host of
Living Richly™ on www.wsRadio.ws. Author of OPTIMIZE Your Day!
Practical Wisdom for Optimal Living Optimize Life Now! San Diego, CA
www.OptimizeLifeNow.com
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